That’s true.

That’s true.

My Tribute to the Braves Fam

"Braves Fam"

A remake of B.o.B’s “Ray Bands”

Written by Dylan Slemp (@D_Slemp)

 

They wanna talk Braves and chill with the Twitfolk

Hang with all the fans and all the Braves bros

Showin’ off their knowledge, now watch ‘em start a brawl

Tryin’ to tweet Chipper so they can get close to gold

Oh that Braves Fam

Twitter got that Braves Fam, Twitter got that Braves Fam

That Braves Fam

Twitter got that Braves Fam, that Braves Fam

We love that Braves Fam cause them tweeps are gorgeous

We lookin’ for a fan base and I ain’t talkin’ corporate (like the Yanks!)

We love the Heyward endorsements

Ever since we met ‘em on Twitter

Our lives have been less bitter

They’re tweeps with sources

Unlike the Marlins and Astros with crappy offfensive forces

Most from Atlanta, but we all over the land

Even overseas fans, call ‘em Braves Fam

Yeah we watch all year, Spring to Winter

So pencil us in for June, July, August, and September

Ain’t no imitators

We love that Braves Fam like a game of sharades (All day)

Compliment of Braves Countraaay

They wanna talk Braves and chill with the Twitfolk

Hang with all the fans and all the Braves bros

Showin’ off their knowledge, now watch ‘em start a brawl

Tryin’ to tweet Chipper so they can get close to gold

Oh that Braves Fam

Twitter got that Braves Fam, Twitter got that Braves Fam

That Braves Fam

Twitter got that Braves Fam, that Braves Fam

Look, we love that Braves Fam, that Braves Fam, that grand

Group of fans, courtesy of the Twitta

We we we we think we know it, Tomahawk Chop

Teams think is annoying, they can do something useful and fix Simba’s thumb joint

You see heat over talent’s our team’s strategy

And my team’s going hard and I ain;t taking ‘bout Harper

He tryin’ to hit the ball, we tryin’ to hit Harper

And if he tweetin’ boy, we be blockin’ it

He don’t got pop homers, he got pop-ups

After the season’s over, we still follow each other

Silent bravado, call us true fans, bro

Every at-bat is crucial, yeah that’s my motto

Said wassup, yeah we do this all the time

Where the Braves Fam who wanna have a good night?

If ya feel that, let it go it’s alright

The game got you movin’ and you’re losin’ your mind

So let us know if it’s alright

We just wanna know, who’s tryna have a good time

So why don’t you let go, let go

we’re losing control

The game got you movin’ and you losin’ your mind

They wanna talk Braves and chill with the Twitfolk

Hang with all the fans and all the Braves bros

Showin’ off their knowledge, now watch ‘em start a brawl

Tryin’ to tweet Chipper so they can get close to gold

Oh that Braves Fam

Twitter got that Braves Fam, Twitter got that Braves Fam

That Braves Fam

Twitter got that Braves Fam, Twitter got that Braves Fam

That Braves Fam, That Braves Fam

 

"Braves Fam"
My Twitter legacy and alter ego: The Real Slemp Shady

"The Real Slemp Shady"

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slemp Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slemp Shady please stand up?

Y’all act like you never seen a Braves fan before

Jaws all on the floo like Fredi, like Chipper just burst in the door

and started claiming he’s back just like number 4

the NFL and him got divorced, throwin’ his football (Ahh!)

It’s the return of the… “Ah, wait, no way, you’re kidding,

he didn’t just say what I think he did, did he?”

And Chipper said… ugly baby you idiots!

Chipper’s retired, he’s locked in his mansion! (Ha-ha!)

The Braves Fam loves J-Hey man

[*vocal turntable: Chipper Chipper Chipper*]

"Slemp Shady, I’m sick of him,

Look at him, sittin’ around watchin’

his Braves game man, Flippin’ the channel boo,” “Yeah, but he’s so cute though!”

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse, than what’s goin’ on in Slemp Shady’s livin’ room

Sometimes, I wanna watch the Braves and get some juice, but can’t,

But it’s cool for Dan Uggla to let his swing loose

" My gum is on your lips, my gum is on your lips"

And if I’m lucky you might just blow a little bubble

And that’s the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what Wins Above Replacement is

Of course they gonna know what the infield fly is

By the time they hit fourth grade, they got MLB Network don’t they?

"We ain’t nothing but fanatics"

Well, some of us dramatics who react over everything [Crack]

But if we can cheer like animals and the Pope

Then there’s no reason that a bat and ball can’t be hit on a frozen rope [Crack]

But if you feel like I feel, I got the answer doe

Freeman hug your teammates, bro, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus (repeat 2x)]

'Cause I'm Slemp Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slemp Shady’s are just imitating,

So won’t the real Slemp Shady please stand up,

please stand up, please stand up?

@D_Slemp don’t gotta fuss in his tweets to gain followers;

well you do, screw you and all you too!

You think I give a crap about a retweet?

Half of you tweeps can’t even follow me, let alone retweet me.

"But Slemp, what if you grin, wouldn’t it be weird?"

Why? So you gusy sould just like to tweet me here?

So you can sit me here next to Tim McCarver?

Crap, Joe Buck better switch me chairs

so I can sit next to Adam Ridings and Jamal Hamilton

and hear ‘em argue if Pete Rose was a gamblin’

You little twit, put me on blas on Twitter

"Yeah, he’s cute, but I think he likes the Braves, hee-hee!"

I should download the game on MLB and show the whole world

How the Braves got a good D. [Yeah]

I’m sick of you little National and American leagues, all you do is confuse me

So I have been sent here to decipher you [bzzzt]

And there’s a million of us just like me who fuss like me;

Who just don’t give a crap like me who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

And just might be the next best thing,

But not quite me!

[Chorus]

I’m like a head case to tweet to, cause I’m only givin’ you thing you joke about

With your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the guts to say it in front of y’all

And I don’t gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on Twitter and tweet it and whether you like to admit it [Err]

I just tweet it better than 90 percent of you tweeters out can

Then you wonder how can kids tweet up these people like celebrities

It’s funny; cause at the rate that I’m goin’ when I’m thirty

I’ll be the only person on Twitter tweeting watchin’ the Braves game

With my phone in my hand and I’m tweetin’ but this tweetcaster app isn’t working

And every single person is a Slemp Shady lurkin’

He could be workin’ at Burger King, spittin’ on your onion rings [Hach]

Or in the parking lot, circling screaming ” I don’t give a crap!”

With his windows down and his sytem up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put your phone in your hands up, yup?

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus 4x]

Ha ha

Guess there’s a little Slemp Shady in all of us

Screw it, let’s all stand up.

My Offseason Wish List

I want a few things from Braves General Manager, Frank Wren, this offseason. I will list them below as I wish that they will happen.

1. Sign Angel Pagan.
2. Sign Ryan Ludwick/Trade for Josh Willingham
3. Move Martín Prado to 3rd.
4. Re-sign David Ross.
5. Add one more dominant reliever.

Please do not reply if you have negative things to say.

Essay on insant replay.

An Instant Arguement?

By: Dylan Slemp

The Atlanta Braves were playing the St. Louis Cardinals in Major League Baseball’s first ever Wild Card game. The game was growing older with each man the Braves left on base. In total, the Braves left 12 men on the basepaths in a game that would be argued continually in the coming weeks. Atlanta was trailing in the game by a few runs, but had a miniature rally forming late in the game. Braves shortstop Andrelton Simmons hit a fly ball about 225 feet that carried well beyond the infield. The Cardinals shortstop Pete Kozma ran under the ball appearing to have a good shot at catching the ball. However, Kozma freaked out suddenly and moved allowing the ball to drop, setting up what could have been a big Braves inning. But left field umpire Sam Holbrook claimed that the ball was in the infield and therefore the infield fly rule should be called. The infield fly rule was granted and the Braves then had 2 outs with runners on first and second. A big inning would not occur. Had instant replay been used to review the play, the umpires would have realized Holbrook’s mistake and the call would have been corrected, changing the game. Instead, the Braves would go on to lose the game, 6-3. Many people wish instant replay would be more involved with baseball and for good reason. Instant replay would be excellent because instant replay would help the umpires get the call correct and would get rid or controversy within the game, but other people claim instant replay would be bad because of the loss of the “human element”(the umpires call).

Instant replay would be an excellent addition to baseball, as the slow motion capabilities would help umpires get the disputed call correct. Instant replay has been considered before, but has never been taken into effect. No logical explanation as to why instant replay has not been installed yet exists. If MLB wanted a clean, fair game instant replay would be used to correct calls like the infamous “imperfect game” of 2010. Another good example would be the Omar Infante call in the 2012 American League Championship Series. In the ALCS, Infante, of the Tigers, dove back to 2nd base, but Yankees 2nd baseman Robinson Cano applied the tag and it was obvious that Infante was out. However, Infante was called safe. It is guaranteed that if instant replay would have been involved, Infante would have been called out and the game would have had a different outcome.

Controversy, unfortunately, is a part of the game of baseball. Most people, including myself, hate how people bicker at each other like an old married couple when a questionable call is made. Instant replay would show the correct call and everyone would have to agree with the call that was made. However, since baseball has no instant replay besides home run calls, people argue and argue because those people think that they know what the actual call should have been. The controversy becomes unbearable at times, making the need for instant replay even greater. Although many people want instant replay, others think it would get rid of the human element of umpires.

The human element in baseball is something that old fashioned baseball fans want to see stick around. The human element can be defined as the umpire’s way of seeing the play. Some fans like the idea of making baseball unpredictable, but I disagree. Teams that actually deserved to win certain games lose because of the horrible human element. Multiple players are robbed of personal achievements and are screwed over by umpires because the human element is the way the umpire saw the play. Armando Gallarraga is a perfect example in the aforementioned “imperfect game”. Gallarraga was one out away from a perfect game, but umpire Jim Joyce and his human element called the last batter safe at first base when he was clearly out. The human element is just an umpire’s bonified version of the phrase, “what I say goes” and is no good for the game of baseball.

Baseball needs instant replay to compensate all the horrible calls that umpires make. MLB owes instant replay to teams such as the Braves and Yankees. MLB also owes instant replay to certain individual players, such as Armando Gallarraga, who seems to have disappeared since the “imperfect game”. Baseball would be a more fair sport with the addition of instant replay. Controversy would be nonexistent in baseball if instant replay was added. The human element is not as important as getting the play calls right and making baseball fair. With instant replay, the Braves might have been in the National League Division Series this year or perhaps even the World Series. The world will never know what could have happened had the Yankees gotten a few more calls go their way. Overall, instant replay would be an awesome addition to baseball because of correct calls and the lack of controversy, even if instant replay did get rid of the human element.

Another essay for school. About my town’s sports fans. Please read.

Crazy Haysi Sports Fans

By: Dylan Slemp

"Hey, Ump, you stink!" Phrases like these tend to be heard at sporting events on a regular basis. None more so than Haysi High School’s sporting events. Haysi is a town that features very passionate sports fans who would burn someone’s house down in order to get their team a win. Nothing makes a Haysi fan happier than crushing the other team for school pride or perhaps to brag to the other team’s fans. When Haysi fans get together, things get crazier than "The Turtleman" hunting down a critter in a carnival. Haysi has many different types of sports fans, such as, the obsessive mom, the fence walkers, and even the unbearable official haters.

The obsessive mom is the most common type of sports fan in Haysi. Obsessive moms are high strung, sensitive about their kids, and can be very loud. Obsessive moms can be found far and wide across the town. In the bowels of Haysi High, Haysi’s very own Missy Sykes, the most notorious obsessive mom of them all, can be found lurking around while waiting for her child’s next sporting event. Mrs. Sykes is the epitome of an obsessive mom. Obsessive moms like Mrs. Sykes yell at their own child in hopes of motivating the child or hurting the child’s feelings. The average obsessive mom, like my own mother, get too anxious about their child’s sporting event. Obsessive moms can either completely ruin their child’s fun in sports or motivate them to do their best. However, no matter how bad an obsessive mom can get, obsessive moms are not as bad as the squirley fence walker.

Unfortunately, for the Haysi sports fans who like to sit and watch the game, fence walkers pace along the fence and block everyone else’s view in the process of fence walking. Fence walkers are incredibly obnoxious, as they yell at people while running up and down the fence line. Haysi townsfolk have come to the reasoning that it is okay to stand at the fence and watch the game. However, when one is pacing at the fence and yelling at their child or someone else’s child, things get a bit out of control. A few fence walkers still exist in Haysi, despite recent attempts at killing off the fence walking population. The people of Haysi can not wait until fence walkers are annihilated. Looks like Haysi people will have to wait for the new Dickenson County school to open for that. Whatever school it is, official haters will always be present.

Official haters are by far the most obnoxious fans located within Haysi’s town limits. I know one particular person who yelled at the official at a baseball game and nearly got ejected. The official haters are the fans who yell at the referees non-stop and might beat the living crap out of anyone who asks them to be quiet. Haysi fans find it hard to enjoy sporting events when the town official haters put their two cents into every call the officials make. Haysi official haters are worse than twelve crying babies in a movie theatre. The heckling from the official haters just never stops and it gets to a point where the official haters throw things at officials. Trash, food, and drinks are all things that official haters from Haysi have been known to throw. No fan is more obnoxious than a Haysi official hater.

One would not find it hard to see that Haysi has a rather diverse fan base. Haysi is a proud town with proud fans who can’t seem to figure out how to be normal. Perhaps Haysi would be more respected if we had more well-behaved fans instead of the fans who almost get ejected and continually scream at officials. However, I am proud of Haysi’s fans, even though some of them scream uncontrollably at umpires when their child gets ejected from a baseball game. Haysi fans stand up for themselves, which is really cool. Every single Haysi fan stands up for themselves, including the obsessive moms, the fence walkers, and the official haters. As Haysi fans continue to stand up for our team, one will keep hearing, “Hey, Ump, you stink!”

There goes Larry Wayne. J-Hey will be the next to bring the pain. Braves fans believe. And because of that we achieve.

There goes Larry Wayne. J-Hey will be the next to bring the pain. Braves fans believe. And because of that we achieve.

Essay for school. I suggest you read it. #Braves

An Unhealthy Obsession

By: Dylan Slemp

A parent walks into their child’s bedroom, concerned about their child. The cold, dark room is silent except for the constant humming of the furnace in the background. The parent walks steadily over to their child, worried about the child’s constant screaming and the eventual moan. All of a sudden, the crack of a baseball bat is heard as the child jumps up, flailing his arms about in a manner that would resemble only the inflatable creatures at car dealerships. The Braves have just took the lead on a Jason Heyward home run. This is the case on about 27 nights out of the baseball season in my home. I am the child and I have an extreme addiction, or perhaps an obsession, of watching Atlanta Braves baseball. As much as I love the Braves, my obsession with them cripples me. My obsession with the Braves creates a list of complications for me: I can not hang out with my friends because I am watching the Braves, I drive myself absolutely crazy watching the Braves, and I own a store’s worth of Atlanta Braves clothing and collectables.

Whenever my friends want to hang out in April through September/October, I do not have the time to enjoy my friends’ company because I would most likely be watching the Braves. Usual game times for Braves games are 1 o’clock and 7 o’clock. Each game lasts anywhere from 1 and a half hour to 3 hours. The scheduled game times for Braves’ games are not favorable for hanging out with friends. My social life is severely damaged by my obsession with the Braves. I don’t have the same social oppurtunities as some kids, like going to homecoming games, going to prom, or maybe just cruising town, all because I would most likely be watching the Braves. However, my social life is not as damaged as my mind after countless hours of Braves baseball.

I tend to drive myself crazier than Charlie Sheen on drugs when I am watching the Braves. Baseball is a game of 9 innings, in which you must get 3 outs for every inning. With each inning, with every out, that the Braves play, a little part of me gets drawn closer to the Braves. Every time I hear the energizing Chip Caray call of “Welcome to the show!!!”, which he said in Jason Heyward’s first major league at bat, a wave of emotion and excitement sweep over me, as I get even more obsessed about the Braves. With each tidbit of Braves baseball that is brought upon me, I get even crazier. When the game is being played at an intense level, I have been known to bite my fingernails, pace the floor, and throw things. I drive myself insane every time I do the aforementioned activities, but for some reason I keep coming back for more Braves baseball.

Today, I consider myself to be the greatest Braves fan on the face of the Earth. Every sports fan must have some form of clothing or collectable to show their true passion for their team. I have more Braves clothes and collectables than anyone within 3,000 miles from Haysi, Virginia. Since I am so obsessed, I take pride in my extensive Braves collection of items. I have so many Braves items, that I can not find 1 item in my bedroom that is not Atlanta Braves related. The collection of clothing and items is just all part of the unhealthy obsession.

The child walks out of his room during a commercial break. Burned by the light of the real world, the child quickly runs back to his room just in time for the bottom of the ninth inning, where the Braves trail 3-2. Chipper Jones, facing former Brave Mike Dunn, doubles to lead off the inning. Freddie Freeman is up to bat next, facing what is perhaps the biggest at bat of his young life. Crack! Freeman hits a ball to dead center field, over the wall, as Jones raises his fist in the air. The Braves win the game 4-3. The child screams his head off while he frantically looks for his cell phone to tweet the current events. The obsession with the Braves continues. The passion for the team I grew up watching grow mightily. I keep coming back for more. However, this passion and obsession comes with a price: not being able to hang out with friends, driving myself crazy, and owning a bunch of Braves stuff.